The awkward moment when Eminem eats a bag of Skittles.
The only reason Barbie never got pregnant, was Ken came in a different box.
A man went to a zoo. The only animal was a dog. It was a shitzu.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
Before you insult a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way when you insult him you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.
Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
Solution to two of the world's problems: Feed the homeless to the hungry.
if my calculations are correct SLINKY + ESCULATOR = EVERLASTING FUN
The reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
A religious war is like children fighting over who has the strongest imaginary friend